Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Get a new bladder

The news today is that a team of doctors has grown an entire organ -- in this case, a human bladder -- using a patient's own cells implanted and cultured on a scaffold. Amazing stuff - here is one description of the breakthrough:

Children receive lab-grown bladders

My question is, can they now grow specialty bladders for the rest of us and solve a major problem for much of humanity?

This is not a delicate topic, but let me be as delicate as possible. Most of us need to empty our bladders at least two or three times a day. Many of us need to use the restroom far more often than that. So the question is: with this new breakthrough, can we all have two bladders? What about four? Or could we have supersized bladders installed that let us go for several days?

And if you can grow a bladder, can you not also grow a new large intestine as well? It is only a matter of time.

Think of the benefits. Instead of using the restroom two or three (or more) times a day, you could simply schedule a weekly bathroom break. Would we even need public restrooms anymore? How much money would that save? And on airplanes they could take out the restrooms and add two more rows of seats, reducing the cost of airline travel even further. This breakthrough really opens up a lot of possibilities.

Of course, it will be much easier to Discard our bodies...

Marshall, you're frickin hilarious man! I really doubt anyone is gonna want the 128 oz. double mega gulp bladder system. However if they were to make an excretory system like the kangaroo rat that lives on metabolic water only, that would probably sell.

See http://www.bio.davidson.edu/people/midorcas/animalphysiology/websites/2005/Stoudemire/Introduction.htm for an overview.
There would also likely be a market for bladder-carts or bladder-suspension-systems to help hold this extra large bladder and all of it's liquid contents.

Perhaps they could grow the bladders in 'designer' shapes as well. All the trend setters could start having bladders shaped like the Nike Swoosh installed and then everyone could get one.

A completely untapped market, I tell you.
Hey! What about the other excretory vector? What if you could get by with only a yearly 'dump'? ;^)
I enjoy my piss breaks and my daily dumps (well, depends on the situation.) Marshall... small steps my friend. If any child was born with 3 bladders today, chances are two out of the three would be taken out (damn, sometimes, I wish I had three bladders.) Seriously though, the options of medical need, convenience, and a “normal human being” should all be considered.
Having big bladders and intestines would mean that you'd be walking around with huge amounts of piss and crap for a long time.

I think that idea is really disgusting. I don't even like to think about the amount of crap that I now carry with me every second of my existence.
Imagine developing some physiological process by which the body simply sublimates all excreta -- then we wouldn't have to 'go' at all, or even carry it around for any time. But, that would probably give off some sort of noxious gas, wouldn't it? Of course, some do anyway. ;^)
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