Monday, June 20, 2005

Settings for your body

If you have ever used a large program like Microsoft Word, you are familiar with the dozens of settings available in the Options dialog. They let you customize and tune the program to your specific needs:


One pane of Word's Options dialog

I was walking with a couple of friends recently, and we were talking about how nice it would be if our bodies came with options screens. Some of the options we discussed included:Do you have other settings you would like to be able to manipulate? Put them in the comments....

Comments:
Here is what I would want:

- An option to tint your corneas so you wouldn't need sunglasses

- An option to turn down the spiciness of food if it is too hot. I guess that one goes with pain

- A slide bar to adjust the length of your facial hair

- A color selector for your hair color
 
Slider for breast-size: A- to D+++
 
Option to selectively erase certain memories
 
Options to:

- adapt penis size to the girl you're banging at that particular time

- tell your body to always produce solid and smooth turds, no matter how much crap you have stuffed down your face

- increase fatburning locally

- fart on command, because farting is funny

- autofocus vision

- regulate moods
 
When you look at the way the human body works by default, its entire philosophy is tuned to scarcity. Why do muscles atrophy if unused? Because muscle tissue burns calories. If you are not using the muscles every day the body discards the muscle tissue in order to save energy.

Now that we live in a time of plenty, this default behavior is useless.
 
Hair color - slider lets you change hair pigmentation from blond to brunett to redhead. Why not green, blue and purple too?
 
Maximum fat storage slider. Lets you control the maximum poundage of fat your body stores. You could set it to 3 pounds and after that your body does not store any more fat.
 
I must be the odd man out; I am happy with the way that my body functions.
 
> I am happy with the
> way that my body functions.

You LIKE cold feet in the winter????????
 
Altered Carbon by Richard Morgan is set in a future where all humans are genetically tuned, specificly the military models.
 
Disable aging if age > 24
 
Sex drive off/on selector.

That way I can focus on my work instead of the hottie I'm working with.
 
A Check box that turns hair growth on and off. So if you get a haircut and love the look, you can make your hair stop growing and preserve that cut indefinitely.
 
- A slide bar to lower my cravings for alcohol, cigrettes, sex, and barbeque-chicken.

- An option to increase concentration and wipe out attention deficeit disorder.
 
>> I am happy with the
>> way that my body functions.
>
>You LIKE cold feet in the >winter????????

How can you appreciate warm feet if your feet never get cold? That, and I don't (or at least, very rarely) get cold. I like living in Maine.
 
What about controlling the options screen on another person. Example: turn down the bitchiness slider on my girlfriend, or increase lubrication. Or can only the body's owner control the options?
 
Control over your own fertility. For males, you can turn sperm on and off. If you do not want the girl to get pregnant, you turn off the sperm.
 
Given the mental competence of the presumed 'average' user, I would predict death less than two months from initiation of such a 'convenience'. The little 'annoyances' of life you cite are functional components of the body's danger warning systems -- turn them off and you die. -- blzbob
 
Sex drive off/on selector.

That way I can focus on my work instead of the hottie I'm working with.


yeah, it is important option!!!!!
 
Reading these comments only reinforced the sad, sad truth that a vast majority of the medical market today is geared towards helping people experience better sex.

How sad is that? We could be mass-providing Lasik eye surgery so that nobody has to have bad eyes ever again, or we could develop a shot or a pill that increases anybody's metabolism by 50% because 40% of America is overweight, or we could wipe out HIV/AIDS (just like we did to Polio and Smallpox) in 2 or 3 years instead of 5 or 10... (yes, researchers are that close), yet all we're thinking about is sex because that's what people will pay for.

Not that "better sex" is a bad thing, mind you, but proper diet and exercise fix most sexual problems and dysfunctions no matter how old you are (I know 70+ year olds in great physical and mental health and they still have sexual relationships), but the market just wants a "quick fix" so they can continue to sit on their fat behinds and chow down on fast food.

The market is very, very sad.
 
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